He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
