I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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