I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
