just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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