He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
