how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I didn't shave. On purpose
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
