Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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