I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
