Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
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