Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
