She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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