T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
