Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Your penis caused this!
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