And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
