I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
