Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
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