Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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