I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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