My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
