is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
