mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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