She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
