You can't special order awesome
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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