ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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