why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
