i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
They have beer where we have blood.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
