a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
