She is in my trunk
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
