You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
