Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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