I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
