i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
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