i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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