A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
