When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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