Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
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