I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
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