I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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