WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
