Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
