Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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