I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
