OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
