I hate your face
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
being pregnant is like rehab
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
