i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
