lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
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