Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
