drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
