He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
