Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
