"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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