Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
