i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
