Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Randomize
