you guys were way drunker than both of me
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
