I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
