it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
