hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
