He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
NoShamevember. You game?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
